Over-analyze this

I think people (including me) should stop thinking. Some people suffer what you may call an excessive obsessive compulsive over thinking disorder. Every little thing should have its place, every personality its own psychological stereotype, every act its own script, every look its significance. Problem: people really don’t give a … (fill in the blanks with whatever word you feel like) about what you may think or at the very least, they just can’t know your analyzing probing thoughts.

The keyword is “don’t give a … ”: You really want to be part of something. If you aren’t you wouldn’t feel alive. You’re not really part of your whole self. You sure want to touch others, but somehow you don’t really touch you. You sure want to know about others, maybe in some desperate cause to know yourself. Whatever you may start feeling, you relate it to other people or at least to the weird images you have of them. Fact: these weird images, my man/girl, are a part of you; YOU build those images, they only make sense to YOUR silly self.

The keyword is “image”: image as a picture/representation of something. Yes, illusions my friend. Quoting from “The Tibetan book of dead” (no questions please): “All these are like dreams, Like echoes, Like cities of clouds, Like mirages, Like mirrored forms, The moon seen in water.” Yes, all you perceive/feel/think are subtle illusions. The subconscious is a powerful thing. Problem: indeed, big, big problem.

Example (a simple one):
You meet someone. You’re both having loads of fun. She is great, laughing, smiling and all that. You start thinking, should I take this to next level? Should I say this or that? Should I do this or that? Should I kiss now or later? What will she think if I say this or that or do this or that? How will I react after that? ...
Relax your restless mind. RELAX!

The keyword is “relax”: When you start analyzing (i.e. Over-analyzing) something, Stop. You are missing a shot at something simple and pure, relax, go with the flow and the mood, this flow and this mood you are intuitively creating.

The keyword is “intuitively”: never underestimate sheer intuition. It is the most direct reflection of you. Stop analyzing every single thing you see to build some sort of big ass image. Touch her, kiss her and just tell her. Act as you feel, react as you feel, not as you should feel. Be yourself. Just be yourself.

Fake

All is fake. All is relatively fake. All is, very probably, relatively fake. Fake, bogus, bull, phony. All you perceive is subtle illusion misleading you to some dire finale where you realize what something is, what you thought it would be and ultimately, what this particular thing will never be. A simple concluding event, just to cut all the fakery crap.

The keyword is clearly “fake”. What is not clear is the fake factor, it is fake?, its degree, How fake could things be?, its perception, Does everything I see is fake?, its development, How fake could things become?, and its impact, Shall I act upon this or is it fake?.

The keyword is still “fake”. fake as not true. True as genuine. Genuine as glowing with the true essence of things. Fake as wrapping any tiny part of any essence with soi-disant shiny foil. Some people do it compulsively and ultimately find themselves trapped in shiny fake land. Shiny fake land is nice. Shiny fake land is somehow reassuring. Until, all that shiny foil you wrapped so well can’t hold you and your fake ideas, feelings and perceptions: you awake from shiny fake land, cast away in cruel reality where shiny things aren’t so numerous. In some cases, the gap is huge.

The keyword is “gap”: A disparity or difference as between two figures. Figure this. This gap is a part of you. No man lives in reality. Simple harsh reality has no place in your mind. The fake crap is only here so that you remain sane, happy. Only the fall from fake, from shiny fake land (or maybe just the fall from grace) is real. It sure hurts, but it’s true. Deal with that.


Rien n'est vrai, rien n'est faux; tout est songe et mensonge,
Illusion du cœur qu'un vain espoir prolonge.
Nos seules vérités, hommes, sont nos douleurs.
Lamartine (Alphonse de), Harmonies poétiques et religieuses, le Tombeau d'une mère.

The mood and you

There’s a martini at your table. The dim lights create devilish shapes in this drink of yours. The overly saturating brown-red-ish color smoothes in slowly in the perfectly cut lime that’s perfectly diffusing some sourness in that overly too sweet drink. The ice offers your drink sweet tickling sounds when you gently move it towards and taste it. The smoke you exhale from the best cigarette you smoked all day easily sweeps on the surface of your cold drink teasing it with its hot nimbleness. The music you hear is soft, sweet and fills all of you. Yes, the mood is good. Yes, you are good.

You watch your cigarette slowly burning and you recall how you slowly burnt. You’re watching some segment of your life burning its way to your hand. She is no more. She is not more or less than she should be. You watch this simple story that burnt you slowly fading away into ashes and smoke. The smoke still teases your drink and the sweet absolution it brings. The smoke is without significant effect, just like she is. You inhale one last breath of this devilish cigarette just to have one last taste of this sweet obsession. It tastes good, but not as good as it did, not as good as it could be. You look at the cigarette, just to feel the sweet burn one last time. You put the cigarette out. The drink awaits your now-lonely lips. Yes, the mood is good. You are good.

To sex or not

We are young. We are horny. We have sex. We have pleasures with sex. We have troubles with sex.
The keyword is “young”: we are young. we face raging hormones, hormones programmed to be at their utmost efficiency on our fully grown fresh bodies. Continuous Horniness is an instant effect, whether good or bad.
We are young. We have amazing stamina. We have incredible desires. We have unimaginable fantasies. We want to explore.

The keyword is “explore”: Every sexual experience is a new one. Every kiss has its own taste and adventure. Every touch brings its own feel and every smell, its own dimension. At least, this is the way for those who notice the fine differences in every sexual experience. There are some who are avid explorers of any new “land” and some who simply refuse (for whatever the reason) to wander in sex land.
Those who cultivate fierce diversity have a distinctive quality: They stroll to more luscious ones, cuter ones, easier ones, more amusing ones, more skilled ones, to ones with different colored hair, or to just different bed sheets. (Well, for some, the bed sheets are the same, only the after-smell in them changes). The counter parts of these people consider these doings immoral. Blah!
When the people with such erratic behaviors are faced, the classic reply is “It’s MY Life! It’s MY genitals! Go get a life and get laid!” Blah!

The keywords are “blah blah blah blah and blah”: The Rambling behaviors and the more “ethical”/”honorable” ones. When you fuck too much with your own genitals (or maybe play with too many), you’re fucking up your brain. You’re fucking up your brain just as well when you strictly don’t fuck, when you aren’t “getting private” with other’s privates. (silly sentence, yes, I know)

If you belong to the conservative and morally correct group, congratulations! You are good for giving ethically correct but futile discussions about various interesting subjects to most young people: sex before marriage, sex before dinner, sex before sunrise, sex before breakup…
You usually don’t get any sex (by choice or not?!), but you sure like to talk to others about it, maybe too much. You talk to brag or you to forcibly inflict upon others your vision of a sex-free world. You are regarded by good ethically correct parents as a blessing boyfriend/girlfriend for their child, they all want you to date theirs kids, you are hot stuffs baby! You got what life is really about pretty early in your life and you are very proud. But still, you aren’t getting laid, and the hormones are raging wild in your body, and basically fucking up your brain. But, yeah, every great cause has its sacrifices.

If you belong to the more hip group with 24/7 sex attitude, congratulations too! Boy or girl, you are a sex machine, pure and simple: blondes and brunettes, tall ones and tiny ones, long ones and wider ones… they have all been “tested and processed”. You have tasted, touched and smelled. No body can resist you. You have some incredible techniques that can make a washing machine scream from utter orgasm. You know all the secrets. You know all the “good spots”. You know desire. You know the other dirty side of life and you like it.

The keyword is “sex”: Sex is good. Sex is great. Get lots of it. It’s only when you’re having lots of sex that you realize (or least should) that sex is nothing, sex is bullshit. But as with so many things in life, experience will make you wise…

Obsesión

You just saw her. You just really saw her. Oh my god! This is instant utter infatuation. You look at her. You really look at her. Some weird unknown things are stirring inside of you, things you didn’t know existed, things you’ve lost for a long time, things that are shifting and moving so much in such tiny instants… somewhat like a storm.

The keyword is “storm”: a storm hits you. You stand physically unmoved as world around you is victim of an extreme whirling effect. Yet, somehow this blowing storm warms you; with all the agitation hitting you so suddenly, you somehow found a place to be, and someone to be with in all the places you want to be. Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing a crush.

The keyword is “crush”: “You’re crushing me baby. You smash me nice and soft, heavy and good.” You stand and perceive nothing around her, just her and the fine particles of air she’s exciting - if it was only those!- with this euphoric perfume she’s diffusing. Stop it. Just stop it.

The keyword is “stop”: you stop it. A crush should end, ASAP. A crush shouldn’t settle. A crush is amazingly obsessive.

The keyword is “obsessive”: What’s more addictive and obsessive than reliving the same wondrous experience every time you see her? You want to see her every day, every hour, usually you can’t, so you imagine her, you think about her just trying to grasp a glimpse of these ecstatic feelings hitting you when any thought implies her. Of all of this you make out a great collection of mental pictures and flashbacks that you reconstruct and put in your favorite places, and thus create a perfect crush wonderland. You see her again. Your crush wonderland is more and more wonderful; you just add some more pictures in your silly mind.

The keyword is “picture”: You picture her sweeter than anything you ever tasted. You picture her nicer than anyone you’ve ever met. You picture her smiling at you like she never smiled at any other. You picture her happy with you like she never was with any other. You’re obsessing; you picture her as everything you want her (or any other girl) to be. You’re just stuck with a perfect lovely image of the girl you want to be with: “the one”. You simply picture her as the one.
She might be, stop thinking, stop feeling, take a breath, just go and just say “hi”…

Stupid thoughts about stupid thoughts

The stupid thoughts. The stupid thoughts in the stupid rarely frequented depths of your brain. But then, as you vaguely recall, you have been visiting these depths in your mind more and more recently; they are no so strange. These are your stupid thoughts about stupid people, your stupid thoughts about stupid acts, your stupid thoughts about stupid circumstances, your stupid thoughts about stupid thoughts, your stupid thoughts about the other’s even stupider thoughts…just you and your stupid thoughts.

The keyword is “you”: of course, the stupid thoughts are yours. You mainly didn’t cause the stupid things that induced the stupid thoughts. Yes, this is the others’ doing. You’re only thinking stupid thoughts. You see stupidity and you think about it. Pretty simple… and stupid. But know this, the ambient stupidity only reflect the inner one, that is the one inside of you, yes you. You see stupidity because you know what it is, you just didn’t witness it so clearly before, you felt it before, which doesn’t render any of your stupid thoughts invalid: at least you know what you’re talking (or thinking) about. You see everything and everyone as stupid. You’ve been stupid before. You know what stupid is. You see it well now. Why now? Why not before? Stupid, stupid, stupid!...

The keyword is indeed “stupid”: everyone is stupid at some point of their lives. It’s just a phase. However, some people tend to overlook all acceptable boundaries of stupidity by just holding on to this happy feeling directly caused by stupidity, trying to relive it, amplify it, expand it, exaggerate it to the point where, in their stupid heads, stupidity is just impossible to conceive.

The keyword is “conceive”: Stupidity, maybe, is about different people conceiving different things differently. But somehow, all stupid people are alike. if observed over a long period of time, their conduct is basically the same. There is a stupid pattern for stupidity, so stupid people basically perceive/conceive things similarly. So, why do you see things so differently and expose this stupidity?
Why don’t you feel stupid (anymore)?
Why do you feel everyone is playing the same stupid game(s)? Why is this game so stupid?
How much stupidity can one possess to be called stupid? How much stupidity can one repress to be called, just as well, stupid? How much stupidity can someone hold?
How come all she ever did was stupid? How come all she does is even stupider?
Why does everything you hoped for turns out, eventually, to be stupid?
Why so see so much stupidity?
Maybe you’re just too stupid to find out…

Love Explained, Simply

You’re in love. Or are you? Of course, you’re not sure, most aren’t and never will be. Quite intriguing for a feeling supposed to be so strong and overwhelming in every aspect of you…

The keyword is “intriguing”: Love is about intrigue. You don’t know how you both started, how you managed to stay together, how you sometimes just “clicked”, how you sometimes couldn’t stand to look at each other, how it all suddenly ended and how it really didn’t end at all. We are powerless to love. We know nothing. We feel a lot. We do much for nothing, most of the time. We play endless games to keep the intrigue. And when the intrigue is gone, the love is gone, the thrill is gone. That’s the way it is.

The keyword is “is”. What the heck is love? What’s it about? Well, to start, it’s about two people who somehow, someway, at some time found each other. Cute. Yeah, the start is usually very simple. Most simple things, however, tend to become incredibly complex. So you both met. You are together. You’re having lots of fun. You’re having the most interesting conversations you’ve ever had even though they’re probably the same recurrent conversations you had in all your past relationships. You have your occasional misunderstandings on occasional things but all is flowing well. Are you in love yet? Well, it depends… most of us go through relationships not ever thinking about anything, we go with this submerging flow of desires and passion. Don’t get me wrong, it does feel great to just go with this flow but, in this kind of situation, you usually can’t conceive that there’s a big dam blocking this stream of emotions in you; you’re going to get hurt real bad if you don’t (or don’t want to) look ahead.

The keyword is “hurt”: Love hurts. It just does. You hurt when you miss her. You hurt when you can’t be with her. You hurt when she hurts. You hurt when you hate her. you hurt when she hates you. You hurt when you’re both hurting. You hurt when you kiss and she doesn’t kiss back the way she did. You hurt when she’s not what she was. You hurt when she is still what she is and you are still hurting. You hurt when you are slowly breaking apart, you see it, but can’t help it. Love just hurts. Love hurts like nothing else. In fact, a major indicator that you’re in love is the pain
The greater the pain the better your chances are you are (or maybe just were…) in love.
Talk about simple…

The usual

You wake up. It’s your usual morning. You’re on your usual side of your bed. You brush your teeth as you usually do, you grab a bite, and you sip your usual coffee to face your usual day. You go to your usual job and do your usual work. You return home, through the usual route you usually take back and forth each usual day. You finish your day with your usual activities/hobbies/chores. All the usual has ended. You finally return back to your usual bed.
You cannot sleep. Not so unusual, but weird: you really can’t sleep; Unusual thoughts in the usual patterns of your mind. Some mutiny in your soul? Why? You just can’t sleep. You just want to sleep. Why again?
Let’s see, what could be the unusual problem in such usual times? There is no problem. You only want to sleep.
Is it a lost love finding its way back? An old love haunting you still? A fervid love burning its way through this usualness of yours? A tiring, endlessly tiring love shaking every thing you got used to? Usually, you wouldn’t care but you can’t sleep.
In such an unusual search for peace, a usual problem arises: uncertainty, unusual daunting uncertainty. You hate that. You usually avoid that. Usually, you would be sleeping.
You want a usual love to fit your usual desires for a usual life. Your usual needs will be fulfilled. You will sleep as you usually did. Why do you want that?
Why sleep in such usual grounds, where every thing you see or do has been seen and done as usually as it can be?
Why sleep when the only thing that heats you beats you down? Your heart is beating regularly as it usually did, but burning so unusually deep.
Why sleep when the only thing that heats you uses you?
Why sleep when your only use is to warm who usually is stone cold, no emotions, no care?
Why sleep when your only used to heat the unusual, the somewhat unavailable?
You are not what you usually were. Why sleep? ...


Can anyone count how many "usual"/"unusual" I have used ?

The art of being lonely

You are listening to your favorite song. You are sipping your favorite drink. You are in your favorite place. You look around, you are alone. You may be surrounded by numerous and various friends. You are alone. There’s no one next to you, no one to just look you in the eyes and confirm “Yes, I am here”. There’s no one you can just gently hold and just think “Yes, we are here” as you take a slow soft deep breath. Yes, I am talking about the “one”…
[Awkward silence]

The keyword is “alone”: you are a lonely soul. You are a lonely soul who hasn’t found another soul so you can both just share your sheer loneliness in both of your lives, as silly humans in this world, in all events. Being with another soul is just about sharing time together, and time is the most precious thing any human can offer: it’s the only thing that’s inherently and generally limited. Finding the “one” is finding that one person you are prepared to spend most of your time, and probably your lifetime, with. This is great, but hard to accomplish. Finding someone with “the one” potential is just as great and just as hard.

The keyword is “potential”: we strive in all relationships to discover any “the one” potential. We really want to find it. Needless to say, that these “the one” potentials are all very relative to everyone. Ideally, in its most simple form, you have some kind of basic set of prerequisites you want someone to have. Most relationships, at their first stages, comply with the following: “ I build my prerequisites list (it must be noted that the contents of this list are directly related to the experiences and outcome of previous relationships). I meet him/her. I don’t know him/her. I want to get to know him/her. I spend considerable time with him/her. I get to know him/her. I check if he/she conforms to my prerequisites list. If it does then he/she is a “the one” material. “
This is a simple and very realistic logic. But, life has a way of twisting any kind of good and sound logic. Call it bad luck, bad choices, bad behaviors, bad grasp of things, bad grip on things... You are alone.
You follow all the rules. You create new ones. You grasp every opportunity. You induce new ones. You go with the flow. You are imaginative. You are alone.
I frankly don’t know how the whole thing works. I frankly am starting to think that I only have taste for the “basically” (c’est-a-dire from day 0) unattainable/impossible. Weird thought, stupid even but sometimes it makes so much sense. This thought needs more reflections as to how and, more importantly, why (just asking myself why renders me scared).
Either ways, I only know when the whole thing doesn’t work. Here’s what I hope to be a comprehensive list of what to do to remain completely lonely, labeled “The Art of Being Lonely”. This is a humorous approach to a sick sad problem… heh, c’est la vie…


The Art of Being Lonely
OR
How not to find the “one” (or anyone)

1. Be an idealistic.
This is very helpful in your quest for utter loneliness. Stick to your silly ideals and philosophical point of views relationship-wise. If he isn’t prince charming because he isn’t charming/shinning/rich/smart or stupid/cute/introverted or open/virile enough, don’t even bother to try something with him. If she isn’t sexy/skinny/hot/smart or stupid/blond or brunette/elegant/curvy enough, she isn’t worth it, next please. Really stick to your hardened ideals, you’ll find him/her, don’t worry, just wait…

2. Be a coward.
Don’t be afraid of throwing everything down the drain (ie. Breaking up) at the slightest problem. If things aren’t working out now, how can they workout later on? Right?

3. Be amazingly introverted, Don’t share any feeling or thought.
You are your own self. No one should be able to “get into” you. you should never “open up”. Stick to the basic, most formal, most casual treatment toward your partner. Success guaranteed.
Notice: This isn’t just directed to guys, usually accused of not being able to correctly express themselves. Girls can indeed express themselves much better, but then again, they should want to…

4. Be a fearful bitch (For Guys and Girls).
Your last relationships ended so badly and caused you great amount of pain and trauma. Any subsequent experience will just make you relive your past moments of pain and suffering. You must wander from partner to another. You must make their lives a living hell. And then, just dump them. This tactic can seem confusing as you are indeed meeting and “bonding with” numerous guys/girls, “I can’t be lonely” you say. But, indeed, even though you are usually with someone, you are lonely, and in the long term, you will still be.

5. Be needy/ego-centric.
You are your own self. You should indulge your self. Your needs are what count. Your desires are to be satisfied immediately and completely. You are the one who does all the talks. You should be the one who makes all the decisions. You are the one “in control”. When you are finally content, you might consider thinking about your partner’s wants. This “advice” when coupled with number 6, “Be incredibly jealous” is extremely effective. However in some very rare and strange cases, 5 and 6 prove to induce considerably long relationships; brain damage to both parties is believed to exist.

6. Be incredibly jealous.
You got him/her. You must own him/her now. He/she must not go anywhere without your prior consent/knowledge. Any person he/she talks to/looks at is considered a potential suspect. You must bring hell on him/her. You must not let anything pass by. Frequent threats to breakup and emotional blackmail are your favorite weapons. You must have that leech very tight. Aw. Aw. Aw.


I hope this says it all…