[ The Keyword ]

Emotions

2010-01-10T00:57:00.002+01:00

It will all boil down to this: emotions. What do you feel?

The keyword is “feel”. Emotions respected are your truest force. What do you feel? Just knowing that answer can sometimes be a task by itself.
It is hard to accept what we keep hiding. It is hard to accept what we keep not feeling.

The keyword is “hard”. Dealing with emotions - yours and those of others - is not easy. Denying your emotions hardens you. Hardness brings rigidness. In the face of change, rigidness will make you suffer. Emotions only ask to be noticed.

The keyword is “notice”. Notice what you feel: good or bad. Notice what you feel you are: good or bad.
Refute or fight and you will keep holding. Notice and accept and you will let go, you will be free . Your internal fights are your prison.

The keyword is “prison”. You are what your emotions dictate. You are confined to what you feel.

“Because feeling is like the sky. Seen, nothing in it to see.”(Fernando Pessoa)
Freedom lies in nothingness…

2009-01-23T15:56:00.002+01:00

Peace. I can't get any Peace.

Retrospect

2009-01-23T15:52:00.001+01:00

No matter how far ahead you go, you've got to keep looking back.

Pain as a radio

2009-01-23T15:33:00.005+01:00

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

Jim Morisson

A new vision

2008-08-09T03:02:00.000+02:00

The decision becomes reality, a new vision asks for its share of reality.

Life

2008-07-11T19:29:00.000+02:00

Before all, Life is a relationship with yourself...

Choices

2008-05-15T22:54:00.002+02:00

Plentiful are the choices for the desires are unbound.
Every choice has a price.
When the price is accepted
Then the choice will be a decision,
Then the decision will inspire action.
Regretting the lost choices will be of no issue,
for the action is ongoing,
and A Dream is coming closer,
A Dream is coming closer...

A lil' dance for me?

2008-03-21T11:23:00.001+01:00

How warm

2008-03-18T17:43:00.001+01:00

03:35

2008-03-07T17:45:00.002+01:00

Forget the keyword?

2008-03-03T12:04:00.001+01:00

The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten. The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten. The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to.

~Chuang Tzu

2007-12-02T19:33:00.001+01:00

fading city, fading lights...

2007-12-01T19:04:00.001+01:00

~

2007-11-11T18:21:00.000+01:00

Confidence

2007-11-02T15:59:00.001+01:00

Sometimes I'm sure about things,
Sometimes I'm unsure about things.

Am I sure I'm sometimes unsure?
or,
Am I not sure about being sure?

Which is the surer best?

2007-11-01T16:10:00.000+01:00

And just as men depend upon A boat for traversing the sea, So does the mental body need The matter-body for occurrence. And as the boat depends upon The men for traversing the sea, So does the matter-body need The mental body for occurrence. Depending each upon the other The boat and men go on the sea. And so do mind and matter both Depend the one upon the other.

'Visuddhimagga' (XVIII, 36),
("The path to purity") is a Theravada Buddhist commentary written by Buddhaghosa approximately in 430 CE in Sri Lanka. It is considered the most important Theravada text outside of the Tipitaka canon of scriptures.The Visuddhimagga's structure is based on the Ratha-vinita Sutta ("Relay Chariots Discourse," MN 24), which describes the progression from the purity of discipline to the nibbana, considering seven steps.

inside/outside heaven

2007-10-29T02:23:00.000+01:00

It is amazing/interesting how we believe in heaven: any place of complete bliss and delight and peace. Whatever your image of it is, it is mostly some vague idea inside your head. Inside your head. Inside your head.
What is your heaven outside your head? Your heaven in “the real world”? Is it the same as the one inside your head? Which one is true or truer?

Now, which heaven is more important for you? Would you be willing to risk your outside heaven for your inside heaven? or the other way around?

Here’s something more interesting, providing the heaven inside your head is rather different from any outside heaven you might experience (which usually is the case, or you are a very happy person now):
Where does your idea of heaven - your inside heaven - come from, if you never really truly experienced it nor seen it in the real world?

My best answer is that it’s something that you constructed inside your head from multiple happy events, happy situations and happy ideas in your life.

It’s just an idea.

It’s just not real.

It’s an illusion.

Want something more interesting? Re-read the post replacing “heaven” with “hell”, “happy” with “sad”.

I Know, I Alone

2007-10-26T02:11:00.000+02:00

I know, I alone
How much it hurts, this heart
With no faith nor law
Nor melody nor thought.

Only I, only I
And none of this can I say
Because feeling is like the sky -
Seen, nothing in it to see.

(10.08.1932)
~Fernando Pessoa
'Selected Poems' translated by J.Griffin.

Life

2007-10-25T23:32:00.000+02:00

Life is nothing but a dream, I will dream my own Life.

A dream is nothing but a life, I will Live my own dream.

2007-10-19T16:45:00.000+02:00

“Even though flowers fall, don't regret it.
Even though weeds grow, don't hate them.
Don't arouse the passions of attraction and repulsion, hating and loving.
If only we don't arouse the passions, the falling of flowers and the growing of weeds as they are is manifest absolute reality.”

~ Hakuun Yasutani

But,
what are we without our passions? ...

2007-10-19T12:35:00.000+02:00

Only the curious will learn,
only the resolute overcome the obstacles to learning.
The Quest quotient has always excited me more than the intelligence quotient.

~ Eugene S. Wilson

Just a castaway...

2007-10-17T19:01:00.000+02:00

Just a castaway, an island lost at sea.
Another lonely day, with no one here but me,
More loneliness than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair.

Three years has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life but
Love can break your heart

adapted from: Message in a bottle - Sting / The Police.

emtpy it and refill

2007-10-15T20:38:00.000+02:00

Letting go is freedom,
no-self is transcendance,
its nothingness is sweet and light.
who is it that lets go in the first place?
to become who afterall?
let go? for what? why?

Empty the cup and it is still a cup,
Empty the cup and it loses its utility, not its function,
Emtpy the cup to fill it up again,
A cup it is.

"let go", I hear them say.
forgetting (and neglecting) is what I see them do:
Like a cup forgetting is it a cup,
a cup forgetting to be filled !?!
How can it be?
for it is a cup,
How can you be?
For you are what you were,
emtpy it and refill;
For you are what you might be, what you will be,
just emtpy it and refill.
You are a cup.

2007-10-15T01:55:00.000+02:00

The ego is nothing other than the focus of conscious attention.
~ Alan Watts
was a philosopher, writer, speaker, and expert in comparative religion.
He was best known as an interpreter and popularizer
of Asian philosophies for a Western audience.

Cogito, ergo sum
(Latin: "I think, therefore I am")
~ René Descartes.
is a translation of Descartes' original French statement:"Je pense, donc je suis",
which occurs in his Discourse on Method (1637) and which became a
foundational element of Western philosophy.

I think Descartes thought too much.
I think I think too much.

2007-10-08T11:12:00.000+02:00

It is only with total humility, and in absolute stillness of mind that we can know
what indeed we are.

~ "The Tenth Man"
by Wei Wu Wei

2007-10-06T13:28:00.000+02:00

Everything you do,
Everything you feel,
Everything you think

... is a choice.

2007-10-02T16:06:00.000+02:00

"I worked for a menial's hire,

Only to learn, dismayed,

That any wage I had asked of Life,

Life would have willingly paid."

~ Anonymous poet,

quoted by Napoleon Hill

2007-09-27T23:40:00.000+02:00

Some people would rather be loud than right.

Sculptor

2007-09-26T17:28:00.000+02:00

"todo hombre puede ser, si se lo propone, escultor de su propio cerebro".

Which means:

"Every man can, if he so desires, become the sculptor of his own brain".

Santiago Ramon y Cajal (1852-1934), spanish histologist, physician, and Nobel laureate. He is considered to be one of the founders of modern neuroscience.

Simple

2007-09-21T15:05:00.000+02:00

Simple thoughts are the closest to the truth.
Simple words are the clearest to express.
Simple feelings are the best to understand.
Simple actions are the most crucial...
...just a simple observation.

Your present

2007-09-20T11:51:00.000+02:00

Surrender
to the weight of your present,
Sink
deep into the grounds of this moment,
Sway
to the waves of your future,
Listen
to the sole voice you are.

Dreams heatedly revisited

2007-09-17T17:11:00.000+02:00

She smiles at my dreams, but I dream about her smile.

Dreams

2007-09-17T17:00:00.000+02:00

Rêver, c'est refuser de choisir entre ce qui est et ce qui n'est pas.

Jean Ethier-Blais
Extrait de Le manteau de Rubén Dario

Potential

2007-09-17T15:23:00.000+02:00

Its not what you are that holds you back, its what you think you are not.

Unknown

Most suitable words for current times

2007-09-13T15:30:00.000+02:00

F*ck off

We do not rest satisfied with the present

2007-09-12T15:12:00.000+02:00

We do not rest satisfied with the present. We anticipate the future as too slow in coming, as if in order to hasten its course; or we recall the past, to stop its too rapid flight. So imprudent are we that we wander in the times which are not ours, and do not think of the only one which belongs to us; and so idle are we that we dream of those times which are no more, and thoughtlessly overlook that which alone exists. For the present is generally painful to us. We conceal it from our sight, because it troubles us; and if it be delightful to us, we regret to see it pass away. We try to sustain it by the future, and think of arranging matters which are not in our power, for a time which we have no certainty of reaching.

Let each one examine his thoughts, and he will find them all occupied with the past and the future. We scarcely ever think of the present; and if we think of it, it is only to take light from it to arrange the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means; the future alone is our end.[1] So we never live, but we hope to live; and, as we are always preparing to be happy, it is inevitable we should never be so.

-- Blaise Pascal's Pensees (1665)

[1] P. 50, l. 5. The future alone is our end.—Montaigne, Essais, i, 3.

Not sure

2007-09-11T16:39:00.000+02:00

I am not sure what to say
I am not sure what to do
I am not sure what to tell
I am not sure how it all fell
It just wasn’t all here one day :
The boring sky changed from the color blue.
I am not sure about our tomorrow
But I am sure about my today
It feels different, it feels new, it feels fresh… anyway,
We will be what we want, we must,
There are no reasons to distrust,
Except for the incertitude,
Of any eternal plenitude,
Except for my uncertainty
To express a certain future,
Where we both and all can mature,
And lie peacefully warming under a sun ray,
Rain clouds passing us by, white or black,
For starting today,
A choice was still made, no turning back.

When the mind is at peace

2007-09-08T14:47:00.000+02:00

When the mind is at peace,
the world too is at peace.
Nothing real, nothing absent.
Not holding on to reality,
not getting stuck in the void,
you are neither holy nor wise, just
an ordinary fellow who has completed his work.

--P'ang Yün (740? - 808)
A famous lay practitioner of Ch'an during the T'ang dynasty (618-907), also known as ‘Layman P'ang’. He studied with many of the eminent Ch'an masters of his day and attained several profound enlightenment experiences (satori). He is known as the source of the saying, ‘My supernatural powers? I carry water and chop firewood’.

Confusion diffusion

2007-09-03T00:40:00.000+02:00

The point is to make the things clear.

The thing is, there are so many points:
related, linked, supposed, speculated, presumed, unknown.
Be watchful of fear.

So many ways to join the points into lines:
long, hard, easy, wise, quick, progressive, risky, regressive, unknown.
Pay attention to the road signs.

So many ways to follow the lines to form a course:
Far, new, familiar, traditional, arduous, even more unknown.
Expect remorse.

It is the unknown in the way that you can’t know,
That you can’t understand, can’t see, can’t fathom and can’t imagine.
It is also the unknown you can’t disown:
Dreams, possibilities, potential, opportunities, desires.
Where to point these burning fires?

You can also even call it luck, if you see fit.
For the nature is of never ending change,
Know to be moved by what you want from it,
Know to accept what you fear of it and rearrange,
Your mind to fit the points into lines into courses into ways of life: close and far, fast and slow, easy and hard.

Avoid the illusion,
Consider it like a test.
For the nature of the unknown is confusion,
And confusion reigns when you rest.

How near, how far

2007-08-31T11:54:00.000+02:00

How near
How far

How near, how near, how near, how near
How far, how far, how far, how far
How near, how near, how near, how near
How far, how far, how far, how far

How far
And how far
Tell me how far

Title: Familiar Ground
Artist: Cinematic Orchestra
Album: Ma Fleur

Hide away ...

2007-08-30T16:47:00.000+02:00

... for now.

(I think I'm in love)

Reflection

2007-08-28T11:40:00.000+02:00

I have come curiously close to the end, though
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated
I concede and
Move closer
(Let me / I may) find comfort here
(Let me / I may) find peace within the emptiness
How Pitiful

It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, feeble and weeping
The moon tells me a secret, a confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me
Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
You wanna peer down here survey my narcissism
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
And leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable
So let the light touch you so that the words spill through
And let the past break through bringing out our hope and reason
Before we hide away.

Title: Reflection
Album: Lateralus
Artist: Tool
Authors: Carey/C/J/K
Duration: 11:07

Attendre

2007-08-28T10:48:00.000+02:00

Attendre c'est déjà vivre une rupture...

Fernand Ouellette
Lucie ou un midi en novembre

The erotica or the pornography view?

2007-08-28T01:00:00.000+02:00

*click for large version

... had to post it, either way.

Let's

2007-08-24T17:58:00.000+02:00

Let's cuddle, nuzzle and snuggle as we draw closer. I'll tickle you here, titillate you there and vellicate you somewhere as you shiver here, quiver there, tremble everywhere; tingling waves exalt every shaking hair on your skin, deep, deep down on a seabed of thrilling warmth.

Dream of it (Featured Post)

2007-08-21T17:55:00.000+02:00

dream of it
with eyes wide open
dream and imagine
it's real
until your mind
reaches its epic
and your eyes tire
you fall asleep
with the foam
beneath your
body

-- By a talented anonymous visitor of this blog.

What could "it" possibly be?

Surrender

2007-08-11T20:07:00.000+02:00

Surrender,
Like a child with grown up dreams,
Surrender,
to the limitless within.

Distant

2007-08-09T22:49:00.000+02:00

Far from home,
Far from family,
Far from friendships,
Far from love,
Far from real contact,
Far, distant and detached,
But not alone.
Only one step afar,
from me and myself,
Only one distance, I have to cross;
Crisscross, I, me and myself.
Only one step, I have to take;
that between I, me and myself.

Insomia...

2007-08-06T03:24:00.000+02:00

... please release me, and let me dream about making mad love on the heath.

Alan Watts about Life and Music

2007-08-05T11:06:00.000+02:00

“In music, one doesn’t make the end of the composition the point of the composition.”

Believe?

2007-08-05T01:39:00.001+02:00

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense
- Buddha

Lie

2007-08-03T17:33:00.000+02:00

Lie to me,
Lie to yourself,
Lie to us,
what we were.
Lie about us,
what we are.
Lie for us,
what we might be.
Lie to keep the illusion
of holding on.
Lie for something found,
and lost across the seas.
Lie, lie, and i'll just do the same.
Until,
the sea and the waves slowly wash all love and pain away,
Until,
the sand in our hearts rests.

Lebanon cannot stand on his own feet...

2007-07-19T16:09:00.001+02:00

... and we have a freaking cedar in our flag. (?)

This is your life: your emotions

2007-06-29T11:07:00.000+02:00

Tell me, what do you feel? Tell me, is it real? Does it hurt that bad? Are you happy or sad? How does he make you feel? What does she feel when you tell her what you feel? Do you feel they feel your pain, your joy, your suffering, your delight? Do they feel for you? Do they care? Do you feel for them? Do you care? Tell me, what do you care about? Who do you care about? Why do you even care to care? Tell me, what do you feel? Do you feel it’s real?
The keyword is “feel”: Did you ever wake up feeling low with the world on your shoulders? Did you ever wake up feeling like the world is yours? Your feelings follow you all day, even in your dreams at night. Your feelings follow your every move, your every look, your every observation, your every decision, every word you speak. Some know their feelings at all times while others rarely heed attention to them. Some feel they know the feelings of others while others feel it’s pointless. Sometimes your feelings drive to your highest mountain where the sun is shining and the clouds are gone. Sometimes your feelings sink you to the deepest loneliest cave where a mere shimmering of light seems like a fading long lost childhood dream. Sometimes you feel pretty much nothing as there’s not much to feel about. Sometimes, perhaps for a just a few moments, you feel completely free, free from all, and perhaps free from all feelings. Most of the times, you feel the same, same as yesterday, same as you ever did, same as you should be.
The keyword is “free”: When you feel what you feel, did you ever wonder? : Do you want to feel that way? Do you feel that you’d like to feel that way? When you feel, do you really feel it? Do you really know what you feel? Do you know where it’s coming from? Do you know what’s causing it? Do you feel the world commands your feelings? Or are you commanding the world what you feel? Does your life and what happens to you control your feelings? Or do you have controls over your feelings? Do you go with the flow of feelings and see where they lead? Or do you ride the flow of feelings and lead it to where you want to go? Do you feel free? Have you ever felt free?
The keyword is “lead”: we are emotional creatures. Our life is made with decisions. Our decisions are shaped by our emotions. Our emotions come and leave, change and return, hide and appear, with each breath. Our bodies breathe with each our emotions. Our bodies are overturned with each of our emotions: anger as the head heats, fear as the stomach freezes, rage as the nose burns, love as the heart warms, shock and surprise as the nerves jolt, lust as the groins tremble, fright as the eyes halt…
Do you know what you feel? Do you really know how you feel it?
We are emotional creatures, not knowing how our feelings arise, not knowing what will become of our feelings. We are emotional creatures, feelings and thoughts running rampant inside. We are emotional creatures having seldom realized that our feelings are free; free to go, to come, to change. Our emotions and feelings are followed by our emotions and feelings. And as one is followed by the other, one is lead by the other. Our emotions and feelings are lead by our emotions and feelings. If you are leading without choosing then try choosing when to lead. If what you feel is not what you want, can’t you feel what you want? If what you don’t feel is what you want, can’t you feel what you want? If what you want and what you feel both feel the same, can’t you just want what you feel? Since if what you want is what you feel, then you are free, because, if you feel free, then you are free to want all you feel and perhaps, feel all you want.

Visit

2007-06-20T11:33:00.000+02:00

Visit the forest,
Where the air is pure,
Visit the fountain,
Where the water is ever flowing,
Visit the beach,
Where the sun is ever lasting,
Visit the mountain,
Where the cool heights stand tall,
Visit the room,
Where the warmth is engulfing.
Visit the sky,
Where the clouds shape dreams,
Visit your source,
Where everything is endless,
See that this end is not everything.

More Coming ...

2007-01-18T19:56:00.000+01:00

The Keyword has more keywords coming imminently.

The keyword is "come", come back soon...

This is your life: Yourself

2006-09-26T18:49:00.000+02:00

This is the start of the “this is your life” series, and yourself is where it all starts. No matter how much you know about the world, if you truly intend to know about life and your life, you’ll be pressed to know more about yourself. Do you know yourself? Is that even possible? Do you know how you live? Do you know why? Why should you know more about yourself? What’s the point? Where are you now? How are you now? Who are you?

The alarm’s loud sound pops you out of sleep, “It is morning”, you think. “I want to sleep some more! ...” “No! I must get up now if I don’t want to be late” “Come on, I can have five more minutes…” “Wake up! Get out of bed” “Shut up! It’s warm and nice in here”. This is one of the dialogues you might have when you first wake up in the morning. This is a dialogue between you and yourself, yourself and you.

The keyword is “dialogue”: The internal dialogue, the mind chatter or just (vocal) thoughts. How many of those you have all day? How many of those are worthless? How many are useless? Who’s talking to whom? Are you the asker of the responder? Or maybe you’re neither, just the one who’s listening.

The keyword is “one”: Are you one? Are you many? Are you the same one when you think and feel those happy, loving thoughts and those other dark, hurtful thoughts? Are you yourself when you fuck up and say “this is not me, I’m better than this”? Are you really what you say you are? Are you what think you are? Are you yourself or what others want you to be? Are you what you want to be? Are you the one you see in the mirror? Are you the one you know you are? Are you the one you remember you were or the one you urge to become? Are you yourself?

The keyword is “yourself”: There’s a lot to ask about yourself. There sure is a lot to know. This is your life, this is yourself. “Know thyself” (as the wise say), know your life. If you think about it, everyday, from the moment you wake up, till you fall asleep, there is only yourself…

Lebanon

2006-07-13T23:55:00.000+02:00

Free

2006-07-12T15:43:00.000+02:00

What’s on your mind, sweet?
Are your thoughts confusing and running wild?
Are those tears, dripping down your feet?
What does your heart speak?
When you ask it about your dreams,
When you see that far high mountain peak,
You’re craving to climb. It seems,
You have lost the light,
That burned in your eyes,
The light faded, wrapped up with lies.
You carry too much stones to fight;
Too much unneeded pain.
Just stop fighting in vain,
And look inside for unseeded ground,
Throw away the rocks and be found,
Where you belong, in the long lost place you long to see,
Where you were once free:
Free, that’s all you need to be…

Inspire the "This is your life" series

2006-07-05T03:13:00.000+02:00

Hey, it's been a while, "The Keyword" is going to be more active then ever with a new series entitled "This is your life". The new posts will be an atempt to describe/interpret/analyse/develop (!) the various things guiding your life and maybe ruling it:
your emotions,
your love,
your desires,
your thoughts,
your beliefs,
your behaviors,
your communication,
your relationships,
your dreams,
your senses,
your ego ...

For this project (yeah, I'm calling it a project), I will put away my favored philosophical and abstact perspectives and approches for something more pratical, something that, I hope, we can all use everyday. It's not going to be easy but it's never been that way with this blog.

If you feel inspired and have something to propose, something you think that's a big part of your life, something that makes and affects your life, please feel free to post a comment.

This is your life: your map

2006-06-14T12:58:00.000+02:00

The world. Life.

The world is grand, large, huge, immense, very, very big. Life is even more so. Do you see that?
Inside that mind of yours is a map, your map. This map is what you know. It is how you know what there is; It is how you know which way the cars drive, it is how you know which stairway to take coming home, it is how you know that your ice cream will melt if you don’t eat it fast, it is how you know what to say, it is how you say what you know.

This map dictates how you interact with the world.

The keyword is “dictates”: Can you see and think about what you don’t know? No you can't. Do you perceive what you can’t imagine? No you don't.
Let’s take this further. All you can possible plan is based on what you can perceive. All you can possibly do is what you can imagine. Except from the not so frequent occasions where we surprise ourselves, there is always a zone of possibility for your decisions and actions. Your “maneuvers” (a considerable part of them) are mostly restricted to this zone. It’s like having a giant lens and seeing the world through it. It’s not the world you really see, you only see your mapped out image of it.

But hey! Who said you can’t see straight in the first place? Why do you need lenses?

“The map is not the territory; the word is not the thing defined.”

Some of you might say that you somewhat inherited maps from your parents, society, friends, that those maps where drawn from what you’ve been through in your life. While this is true, it’s your map and you created it, you can change it, you can make it as you like it.

The keyword is “interact”: Life is interaction, constant interaction with all there is, all you see, taste, feel, touch, hear. Good interaction comes with experience, a good map helps too.The only sure thing about life is change. Life as it is changes and your interaction changes it too. The more you know, the more changes you can intend and handle. The more you handle, the more you know. The more you know, the bigger map you have.

The keyword is “world”: This is your world. This is your Life. When was the last time you learned something new? The last time you drew something on your map? How many unknown places are there on your map? How many “uncharted territories”? I hope you get the map-analogy now. This post is a call to making that map bigger, better, clearer. Your world will be bigger, better, clearer. Your life will be bigger, better, clearer.

Mind Games

2006-05-19T00:01:00.000+02:00

There are many mind games you can play with people and eventually yourself (huh ?). Mind games are rather simple but intricate tricks and techniques you can use to spread confusion and illusion. Those can be used to claim power, resolve some conflict, take a surprise advantage over a given situation, reset some misconceived idea or more pictographically, to reset the sails to a new land or retake some ground.

The Mind is mainly about focus. A focused mind is a strong mind. A mind focused on a task is an achieving mind. Playing with the mind is playing with its focus. The mind just goes where the focus is. You know the trick now: focus.

Imagine you want to sell something. You need to convince the other of the importance of whatever it is you’re selling, lemonade for example. You really need to put forward the amazing qualities of your lemonade. You also need to conveniently conceal the fact that your (incompetent) friend that’s making the lemonade is secretly pissing inside. (Yeah, I’m making it hard). So whenever a potential client doubts the tastefulness of your healthy (and all natural) lemonade, you need to gently refocus the attention on your lemonade life’s altering benefits. If you somehow stop to think about the potential urine matter that’s inside, you will lose focus, your mind will drift, the client loses focus and you will have to drink your own horrible lemonade. Sometimes, you may have to take or give a free taste, which eventually will teach you not to sell your own shit. Seriously though, everyone wants great refreshing lemony zesty lemonade, you’re just describing it. Let’s take that idea further (more??...).

Here’s where it gets interesting. You are like the lemonade. You know there is some genuine lemons in you and you know there’s some piss in you too. And, same as before, you need to “sell” yourself. But, here’s where it gets different: Everyone has drank his own share of piss in his lemonade. Some are used to this, other’s just don’t want to admit it; either ways it is being drank and sold, everywhere you go. You could make better lemonade of yourself but you need to sell more of that first grade lemonade first. So you’re left with mainly one choice, make your lemonade better, and make yourself better. The better your lemonade, the more people will come, the more people will come, the better the lemonade. Till, eventually you find your ultimate lemonade, the lemonade that makes you and everyone happy. Now, if only you could just stop pissing in your lemonade, it sure will lack some taste and maybe if you could only stop thinking about the piss inside, then, maybe, you could sell and be more. What you focus on, you see, and what you see is really what you get. Are you lost? Good, that’s part of mind games. This is a mind game, after all.

Mind games are about words, words are about pictures, pictures make a movie and a movie is a nice game you are playing. Make it a nice movie.

The keyword is “lemonade”: Did I really just talk about lemonade? ...

Birth

2006-04-28T10:52:00.000+02:00

It's my Birthday.

This is where I am.

This is where I want to be.

Mindsets and Paradigms

2006-04-26T01:27:00.000+02:00

Here’s some definitions:

Noun: mindset
1. A habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations
Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset

Noun: paradigm
1. Systematic arrangement of all the inflected forms of a word
2. A standard or typical example
3. The class of all items that can be substituted into the same position (or slot) in a grammatical sentence (are in paradigmatic relation with one another)
4. The generally accepted perspective of a particular discipline at a given time
Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradigm

There is what you think, what you think you think, what you think you say, what you think you do, what you think they said, what you think they did. There is also what they think, what they think you think, what they think you do, what they think you said, what they think you did; They, as in everyone else but you, each and everyone.

Call it chaos, call it variety, it just is what it is: Different thoughts, different perceptions, different views, different opinions, different interpretations, different words… It’s just different.

The keyword is “different”: Those differences are sometimes huge. But those huge differences form similarities. Few can handle being different; a common ground is bound to be found or created, a common ground for thoughts, a mindset.

The keyword is “mindset”: positive mindset, negative mindset, rational mindset, sensitive mindset, nihilist mindset, socially oriented mindset, insensitive mindset, socially inept mindset, whatever mindset. Actually, It’s just a mindset and a mindset is just thoughts.

The keyword is “thoughts”: thoughts about life, thoughts about society, thoughts about love, thoughts about politics, thoughts about the future development of the energy market, thoughts about driving the car in the rain, thoughts about the right shape of that girl’s …(Fill in favorite body part), thoughts about getting that next promotion, thoughts about where the world is heading, thoughts about desire, thoughts about god, thoughts about how to have the best fun in a party, thoughts about what to read in the next keyword, thoughts about if the world is ever heading somewhere, and even, thoughts about thoughts. A paradigm is all those thoughts at once. A paradigm is just thoughts too.

The keyword is “paradigm”: Mindsets create and/or induce paradigms. Paradigms affect social structures, laws, conducts, taboos. Paradigms affect how you spend your day, how you drive your car, how you eat dinner, how you do business etc. and etc.
Paradigms may seem to exist alone but they are driven by you, me, us, the ones who put us in this world (i.e. Parents…), the ones who cares for us, the ones who educate us, the ones who hire us, the ones who talk to us, the ones we live with, the ones we meet, the ones we suddenly bump into, the ones we don’t like to meet etc. and etc.

The keyword is “mindset”. The keyword is “paradigm”.

To be continued?!?, You want real life examples?!? comments!

We fear only

2006-04-22T01:40:00.000+02:00

'We fear only that the Sky fall and crush us or the Earth open and swallow us or the Sea rise and overwhelm us',
An Unknown Celt to Alexander, 335 BC.

Try to 'feel' that... I'll be back soon.

Grey

2006-02-27T21:21:00.000+01:00

There is no white, there is no black.
There is no reason to turning back,
And no reason to go ahead.
Would you lose that head?

No white, no black, All is just grey.
Deadening mediocre grey
Or unifying wonderful grey?
All is grey.

Grey as nothing,
Grey in everything.

Bwa3 in Lalaland

2006-01-22T23:12:00.000+01:00

Note: post with arabic phonetics.

Little bwa3 was born in Lalaland, a somewhat magical land, not far away from earth. Bwa3 was a nice kid. He played nice little games like all the kids. He ran in fields. He had a pet named 3lak that liked to lick Bwa3 tiny little fingers. Bwa3 was happy in lalaland. Lalaland is a land of many wonderful but maybe silly things. The land had vivid colors like the rainbow, strong sweet smells, happy lalapeople jumping all around dancing all day long, cute lalapeople sleeping at night cuddled up like little fur balls, and everything a nice little boy named Bwa3 would need. Everyone was free in lalaland, doing what they liked best.

Bwa3 grew up. He had to leave lalaland as everyone else does when they grow up. Bwa3 was now on earth. Bwa3 was very excited to be on earth. All that Bwa3 wanted to do was to tell the earthpeople about lalaland, that it was a great land where everyone was happy. He had some pity for the earthpeople running around all day long doing so many unimportant stuffs. Bwa3 wanted everyone to know about lalaland. But, Bwa3 was such a weird creature to be on earth. It was the single most interesting thing anyone on earth had seen. Whenever anyone looked at Bwa3, they would laugh. Bwa3 was very funny to earthpeople. No one would take care of Bwa3, or even talk to him. Bwa3 was very lonely. Bwa3 didn’t understand what they were laughing about. Bwa3 was sad. Bwa3 missed lalaland so much. One lonely night, Bwa3 was crying under a star, and he wished that everyone on earth would get the chance to see lalaland. That night, like in lalaland magic, everyone on earth saw lalaland in their dreams. Every earthman and earthwoman lived in lalaland in their dreams, they had the chance to see the beautiful cute lalaland.

The next morning was not a regular morning. The earthpeople were impressed by their wonderful dream. They all wanted to know about Lalaland. Bwa3 was happy that everyone loved him now. Bwa3 was laughing again. Bwa3 was happy again, like he was in lalaland. Bwa3 decided to travel and meet every earthman and earthwoman and tell them about lalaland. Bwa3 was jumping around again, like a nice little kid in lalaland. Whenever Bwa3 met some earthpeople, Bwa3 would tell the earthpeople to just say “Bwa33333333333”, “BBBbwaaaaaaaaaa33”, “Bwwwwwaaa3”, “BWA33”… because if they just call his name, they will see Lalaland, the land where Bwa3 came from. The earthpeople were very happy with this discovery of a new wonderful land like Lalaland. All they did was Bwa3 all day long. And everyone on earth lived a happy ending and utter destruction of their world. Bwa3.

The crazy world

2006-01-16T00:03:00.000+01:00

There is a need for some crazier posts…

The keyword is “crazier”/“crazy”: The world is crazy. Too many people bumping around too many people, doing too many things to each other. Too many stuffs getting swapped, robbed, given, squeezed, taken, eaten. Too many talks over the universe, the girl next door, the society, the rotten sandwich you ate last time, the political affiliation of African monkeys, the “accident” at work with the boss. The world is really crazy. Come on man, we need some rules. This can’t go on like this.

The keyword is “rules”: The world has rules. Lots of them: “You can’t tell me this”, don’t put your hands on the stove, don’t drive too fast, don’t eat too much. The world even has people for making rules: lawyers, crappy managers restructuring company rules every time there’s a problem, the stupid girl at the counter who can’t sell you this item until the boss comes, the know it all in your study group who thinks this essay has to be like this, the cable guy, your parents. There are rules, yet, the world is crazy.

The keyword is “crazy” (yeah again, it's an important word, you know): rules are just crazy. Don’t go there, don’t do that, don’t think that, don’t feel that, don’t tell your girlfriend she’s a fat cow, don’t tell your boyfriend he’s a low life underachiever, don’t drink too much coffee, don’t say those mean things, don’t go to that party where they’ll be those people, don’t pay by credit card because it’s not accepted here, don’t sleep late, don’t smoke, don’t drink and drive, double check the parachute, don’t look him/her in the eyes like that, leave tips, don’t cross the road now, don’t be nice to that guy, don’t talk dirty to me, don’t be attracted to that girl, don’t think much about that, don’t get too hung up in your life, lock the doors, don’t get too relaxed, don’t show me those obscene pictures, don’t put too much perfume, don’t gaze people in the eyes, don’t try weird sexual positions… rules, rules, rules. Who made those rules? What are they are for? Those are surely making the world go crazy. But hey, you live by those rules… Are you crazy?

See what "Crazy" means or just see the word "Crazy" one more time:
Adjective: crazy (crazier,craziest)
1. Affected with madness or insanity
2. Foolish; totally unsound
3. Marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness
4. Possessed by inordinate excitement
5. Bizarre or fantastic
6. Intensely enthusiastic about or preoccupied with

The Finality

2006-01-15T19:48:00.000+01:00

Everyday, you travel past, present and future. You remember what you did, how you were, You look at what you are doing, You plan the next week end, You may recall that conversation that happened between you and your friend, You think about what to say to your lover at that special date because it’s not been working out quite well lately, You smell that deliciously cooked meal, You recall what’s before? What’s after? What’s in between? …

The keyword is “between”: You’re in between your past, present and future lives. Yes, you have three lives, maybe more. You have the right to look into everything so you are just exercising that right, looking inside all those lives. But, You DO have to make a choice. Don’t you?
The questions go like this:
Which life do you really want to live? …
Where do you want to be? …
When do you want to know the good and bad times? …
Where do you want that sweet kiss to land? In a memory, in a hope or in this moment?
Where do you want that sweet kiss to land? In a memory? in a hope? in this moment …
In a memory, in a hope, in this moment …
Are you feeling this kiss this moment? … Just think about that kiss.
There is no kiss now, right? You felt it, right?

Do you know where everything is heading now? …
You probably don’t, that’s ok. Where is the end to all this? …

The keyword is “end”: Are you (still) looking for an end to all this constant back and forth journey? The past’s treasures aren’t here anymore and the future still hides his.
Where to look? Are you looking for an end, for finality?

The keyword is “finality”: Wherever you go, there is no finality; the finality is just here and now: You are just reading this…

Yet, when you are here and now, there will be no finality; finality once found, will disappear: You are still just reading this…

Think about that, post some comments. I’m sure this post won’t be the end…

Solve this

2005-11-27T17:42:00.000+01:00

This is something to think of. I’m sure you can relate to it.

It’s one of those sweet afternoons. You have your sweetest music on. You have much to do but nothing you couldn’t handle for later. You are just chilling here.

Here’s a feeling that might come to you: “I am good here. I feel good.” You might think: “Hey, this is nice. It’s all good. I have all I need, I want nothing”. You want nothing, that’s good. You really do not want anything, that’s great! You achieved this feeling with not so much stuffs around you, not so much to do or think. This is a great state, “wanting nothing”, “having all you need”. It is something every man is looking for. Yet, it is now available to you. In fact, come to think of it, you have felt that before, it’s just now that you realize it.

Can you keep that state? Not for long, I bet. Just when you realize you want nothing, sooner or later, you will start wanting bigger things. Just when you thought you have all you need, you realize you will need more. You have all you desire, yet, you will surely desire more.

So you are here wanting nothing, feeling good about that. And you are here desiring more.
Solve this, what will you do? What will you really do?

Think of Possibilities

2005-11-05T02:48:00.000+01:00

Please read this very, very slowly, it is interactive.

Think about your past. Where you were, where you’ve been, what you did it, when you did it, how you did it, why you did it. You carry this past with you, wherever you go, whenever you are, whatever you do. This is the past. The past is heavy. It slows you down sometimes. The past haunts you sometimes. The past dives in uninvited reminding you of tragedies, happy moments, stupid mistakes, intelligent breakthroughs or just lucky breaks. The past is what you did and what you were. The past is your journal. You write it as you move on through this life. The journal is always there, you will always find it. Hey, but the past is over, you are here now.

Think about your present. Think about where you are now. Think about the time now. Think about how you feel now. Think about what you are doing now. Here you are just reading this now, no more, no less. This is the present. This is just you, where you are, reading this. There’s no one here, there’s no time, there are no plans and there are no worries. This is now. Now, there is nothing but the present, the now.

Think about the now. Think about how it may become. Think about what you can do. Think about the possibilities you have now. I remind you that the past is over. The past has passed. There is just the now. The possibilities you have now are not those of the past. Think about the possibilities you have now. Think only about that. If you feel that there’s not much for you to do now, that there isn’t much possibilities, think again. Keep thinking until you find all that you can do. The possibilities are larger now, right? of course.
If you still have limited possibilities, think again, until you finally realize that the possibilities you have now are endless. Endless, yes. You couldn’t write them down or list them. Not by any way.
I have a point. As you are reading this now, you will find that you can stop reading this junk, you can continue too if you like it. That’s a possibility, just one…
… I’m glad you’re still reading.
The point of all this is that where you are now is all that matters. This is where you should be and this is where you want to be. This is where you can do and act. This is where you have it all, all the possibilities. This is where you have the choice between the possibilities.

Now, Think about what you WANT to be. Think about what you WANT do. Think about when you WANT do it.
Now, read this again, the possibilities are now.

Know what you want

2005-10-12T03:12:00.000+02:00

After this long wait, you gentlemen and lovely women need something. The keyword never stopped, it just wasnt published. Anyway, The keyword is back.

The keywords are “Know what you want”. Let me break this down to you.

The keyword is “Know”. Know everything. Know all that you see, all that you feel, all that you hear. Know it in all its aspects, its forms, its realities, its illusions. I might even say, Know it like you own it. To know is just be aware. That is not very simple, though. Just, try to make it simple.

The keyword is “what”. You don’t need everything. You don’t want everything. You may think you want lots of things.
Stop reading now, ask yourself what do you really want now. Just try to know what you want now. At this very moment…

… done?, good. I bet it wasn’t many things or at least not as many things as you thought there will be.

Here’s another aspect of the keyword “what”,
What causes what? What creates what? What induces what? The effects of the what are as important as the what itself. The effects of your action is as important as the action itself. The “what” you want has many layers. The “what” has so many implications. Know the aspects of your what.

The keyword is “you”. It’s all about you. Everything is about you. You have your goals. You have your needs, your desires, your thoughts, your expressions, your silly remarks, your wonderful talks, your past failures, your present discoveries, your future goals. You are heading somewhere. Where’s that again? Tell me…

The keyword is “want”. You want to be happy, just that. You maybe want everyone to be happy, or maybe not. You want this because it will make you happy, or well, happier than you are now. Your desires rule you. This is just true. Know what your desires are. Know how you “carry” them around you. Know how many of them confuse you. Know what desires to have.

Know what you want. Let’s review what you have discovered:
Try to be aware of things, try to be aware of the different aspects of the thing, try to relate them to you and your goals, act and then indulge your desire. If you don’t succeed, you just keep trying or just ask yourself is that really what you want?
If by some weird and fortunate situation you find yourself one moment, wanting nothing. Yes, wanting nothing whatsoever. Enjoy it. And, guess what, you can now fully choose what you really want. Enjoy that too.

The life(s) you choose

2005-03-05T22:41:00.001+01:00

Life is about choices, shitty (as in hard) choices mostly. Choices are a chance (or a need) to change. Change is a desire to develop and to improve, a wish for a tomorrow better than today. It all breaks down to this one simple wish. This wish should define all good and bad changes, choices and lives.

The keyword is “define”: describe and identify. Think about something good. Think about something bad. Compare the two. There is mainly no difference in the (good or bad) objects concerned at any level, just your perception changes, just the “way” you feel about it.

The keyword is “feel”: You feel good. You feel bad. You know good because you’ve known bad (or you’re going to know it in the near future). You perceive the good compared to the bad. You recognize the bad related to the good.

The keyword is “perception”: perception is always biased. It’s never so-called objective or “pure”… You can’t stop feeling, can’t you? All you see, even so called objectively, is what you feel. The objectiveness or “purity” of an idea is only related to how much you can conceive change and new ideas or, more precisely, to how much good fresh ideas make you feel.
There is no static, structured, fixed, ordered higher truth. The higher truth only emanates from your feelings.

Life is about choices, shitty (as in hard) choices mostly. Choices are a chance (or a need) to change. Change is a desire to develop, a wish for a tomorrow better than today. It all breaks down to this one simple wish. This wish should define all good and bad changes, choices and lives.
(The text repetition is here to make you re-read with a new perspective)

The keyword is “wish”: At some point of your life, you had/have/will have a choice to make. You conceive the possible alternatives of your choice; you weigh them according to one another; you choose the best option.
“This wish should define all good and bad.”
This wish is the will to learn new things, to adopt new ideas, to support new concepts, to be totally free, to be open to all suggestions, to be compassionate to differences.
This wish is the will to sustain change.
Sounds like an oxymoron? It’s not. Re-read please.
Don’t regard change as a rupture or a break; it never is. If it seems so, you just were not aware of the subtle differences earlier, you weren’t prepared for alternatives, you couldn’t perceive or conceive them.
All moves subtle and smooth.
Be aware of it, be tuned to it and choices will seem like never-ending soft waves of the tranquil ocean; ripples in the vast always stirring big structure.

Life is about choices, shitty (as in hard) choices mostly. Choices are a chance (or a need) to change. Change is a desire to develop, a wish for a tomorrow better than today. It all breaks down to this one simple wish. This wish should define all good and bad changes, choices and lives.
(The text repetition is here to make you re-read with an better new perspective)

Mundus Absurdus

2005-02-26T17:02:00.000+01:00

Dépraver de toute lueur nocturne dans une ère de myriade
Aucun sens de l’humour et moult ironies et maintes cavalcades
Aucun signe de principes droits et sans droit de sentimentalisme
Exode du puritanisme authentique et départ du rationalisme
Avènement du matérialisme et prise des essentialistes
Par des existentialistes et un système élito-totalitariste
Empuantissement des mémoires collectives et des goûts
Effondrement des pyramides théologiques et des manitous
Ascension des mouvements pudiques et sectes ahurissants
Adoration de la chaire, de la matière, de la guerre et du sang.

by Jihad Khalil, jihadkhalil@gmail.com

Over-analyze this

2005-01-22T00:21:00.000+01:00

I think people (including me) should stop thinking. Some people suffer what you may call an excessive obsessive compulsive over thinking disorder. Every little thing should have its place, every personality its own psychological stereotype, every act its own script, every look its significance. Problem: people really don’t give a … (fill in the blanks with whatever word you feel like) about what you may think or at the very least, they just can’t know your analyzing probing thoughts.

The keyword is “don’t give a … ”: You really want to be part of something. If you aren’t you wouldn’t feel alive. You’re not really part of your whole self. You sure want to touch others, but somehow you don’t really touch you. You sure want to know about others, maybe in some desperate cause to know yourself. Whatever you may start feeling, you relate it to other people or at least to the weird images you have of them. Fact: these weird images, my man/girl, are a part of you; YOU build those images, they only make sense to YOUR silly self.

The keyword is “image”: image as a picture/representation of something. Yes, illusions my friend. Quoting from “The Tibetan book of dead” (no questions please): “All these are like dreams, Like echoes, Like cities of clouds, Like mirages, Like mirrored forms, The moon seen in water.” Yes, all you perceive/feel/think are subtle illusions. The subconscious is a powerful thing. Problem: indeed, big, big problem.

Example (a simple one):
You meet someone. You’re both having loads of fun. She is great, laughing, smiling and all that. You start thinking, should I take this to next level? Should I say this or that? Should I do this or that? Should I kiss now or later? What will she think if I say this or that or do this or that? How will I react after that? ...
Relax your restless mind. RELAX!

The keyword is “relax”: When you start analyzing (i.e. Over-analyzing) something, Stop. You are missing a shot at something simple and pure, relax, go with the flow and the mood, this flow and this mood you are intuitively creating.

The keyword is “intuitively”: never underestimate sheer intuition. It is the most direct reflection of you. Stop analyzing every single thing you see to build some sort of big ass image. Touch her, kiss her and just tell her. Act as you feel, react as you feel, not as you should feel. Be yourself. Just be yourself.

Fake

2004-12-23T12:46:00.000+01:00

All is fake. All is relatively fake. All is, very probably, relatively fake. Fake, bogus, bull, phony. All you perceive is subtle illusion misleading you to some dire finale where you realize what something is, what you thought it would be and ultimately, what this particular thing will never be. A simple concluding event, just to cut all the fakery crap.

The keyword is clearly “fake”. What is not clear is the fake factor, it is fake?, its degree, How fake could things be?, its perception, Does everything I see is fake?, its development, How fake could things become?, and its impact, Shall I act upon this or is it fake?.

The keyword is still “fake”. fake as not true. True as genuine. Genuine as glowing with the true essence of things. Fake as wrapping any tiny part of any essence with soi-disant shiny foil. Some people do it compulsively and ultimately find themselves trapped in shiny fake land. Shiny fake land is nice. Shiny fake land is somehow reassuring. Until, all that shiny foil you wrapped so well can’t hold you and your fake ideas, feelings and perceptions: you awake from shiny fake land, cast away in cruel reality where shiny things aren’t so numerous. In some cases, the gap is huge.

The keyword is “gap”: A disparity or difference as between two figures. Figure this. This gap is a part of you. No man lives in reality. Simple harsh reality has no place in your mind. The fake crap is only here so that you remain sane, happy. Only the fall from fake, from shiny fake land (or maybe just the fall from grace) is real. It sure hurts, but it’s true. Deal with that.

Rien n'est vrai, rien n'est faux; tout est songe et mensonge,
Illusion du cœur qu'un vain espoir prolonge.
Nos seules vérités, hommes, sont nos douleurs.
Lamartine (Alphonse de), Harmonies poétiques et religieuses, le Tombeau d'une mère.

The mood and you

2004-12-04T20:59:00.000+01:00

There’s a martini at your table. The dim lights create devilish shapes in this drink of yours. The overly saturating brown-red-ish color smoothes in slowly in the perfectly cut lime that’s perfectly diffusing some sourness in that overly too sweet drink. The ice offers your drink sweet tickling sounds when you gently move it towards and taste it. The smoke you exhale from the best cigarette you smoked all day easily sweeps on the surface of your cold drink teasing it with its hot nimbleness. The music you hear is soft, sweet and fills all of you. Yes, the mood is good. Yes, you are good.

You watch your cigarette slowly burning and you recall how you slowly burnt. You’re watching some segment of your life burning its way to your hand. She is no more. She is not more or less than she should be. You watch this simple story that burnt you slowly fading away into ashes and smoke. The smoke still teases your drink and the sweet absolution it brings. The smoke is without significant effect, just like she is. You inhale one last breath of this devilish cigarette just to have one last taste of this sweet obsession. It tastes good, but not as good as it did, not as good as it could be. You look at the cigarette, just to feel the sweet burn one last time. You put the cigarette out. The drink awaits your now-lonely lips. Yes, the mood is good. You are good.

To sex or not

2004-11-21T21:47:00.000+01:00

We are young. We are horny. We have sex. We have pleasures with sex. We have troubles with sex.
The keyword is “young”: we are young. we face raging hormones, hormones programmed to be at their utmost efficiency on our fully grown fresh bodies. Continuous Horniness is an instant effect, whether good or bad.
We are young. We have amazing stamina. We have incredible desires. We have unimaginable fantasies. We want to explore.

The keyword is “explore”: Every sexual experience is a new one. Every kiss has its own taste and adventure. Every touch brings its own feel and every smell, its own dimension. At least, this is the way for those who notice the fine differences in every sexual experience. There are some who are avid explorers of any new “land” and some who simply refuse (for whatever the reason) to wander in sex land.
Those who cultivate fierce diversity have a distinctive quality: They stroll to more luscious ones, cuter ones, easier ones, more amusing ones, more skilled ones, to ones with different colored hair, or to just different bed sheets. (Well, for some, the bed sheets are the same, only the after-smell in them changes). The counter parts of these people consider these doings immoral. Blah!
When the people with such erratic behaviors are faced, the classic reply is “It’s MY Life! It’s MY genitals! Go get a life and get laid!” Blah!

The keywords are “blah blah blah blah and blah”: The Rambling behaviors and the more “ethical”/”honorable” ones. When you fuck too much with your own genitals (or maybe play with too many), you’re fucking up your brain. You’re fucking up your brain just as well when you strictly don’t fuck, when you aren’t “getting private” with other’s privates. (silly sentence, yes, I know)

If you belong to the conservative and morally correct group, congratulations! You are good for giving ethically correct but futile discussions about various interesting subjects to most young people: sex before marriage, sex before dinner, sex before sunrise, sex before breakup…
You usually don’t get any sex (by choice or not?!), but you sure like to talk to others about it, maybe too much. You talk to brag or you to forcibly inflict upon others your vision of a sex-free world. You are regarded by good ethically correct parents as a blessing boyfriend/girlfriend for their child, they all want you to date theirs kids, you are hot stuffs baby! You got what life is really about pretty early in your life and you are very proud. But still, you aren’t getting laid, and the hormones are raging wild in your body, and basically fucking up your brain. But, yeah, every great cause has its sacrifices.

If you belong to the more hip group with 24/7 sex attitude, congratulations too! Boy or girl, you are a sex machine, pure and simple: blondes and brunettes, tall ones and tiny ones, long ones and wider ones… they have all been “tested and processed”. You have tasted, touched and smelled. No body can resist you. You have some incredible techniques that can make a washing machine scream from utter orgasm. You know all the secrets. You know all the “good spots”. You know desire. You know the other dirty side of life and you like it.

The keyword is “sex”: Sex is good. Sex is great. Get lots of it. It’s only when you’re having lots of sex that you realize (or least should) that sex is nothing, sex is bullshit. But as with so many things in life, experience will make you wise…

Obsesión

2004-10-24T02:00:00.000+02:00

You just saw her. You just really saw her. Oh my god! This is instant utter infatuation. You look at her. You really look at her. Some weird unknown things are stirring inside of you, things you didn’t know existed, things you’ve lost for a long time, things that are shifting and moving so much in such tiny instants… somewhat like a storm.

The keyword is “storm”: a storm hits you. You stand physically unmoved as world around you is victim of an extreme whirling effect. Yet, somehow this blowing storm warms you; with all the agitation hitting you so suddenly, you somehow found a place to be, and someone to be with in all the places you want to be. Ladies and gentlemen, you are witnessing a crush.

The keyword is “crush”: “You’re crushing me baby. You smash me nice and soft, heavy and good.” You stand and perceive nothing around her, just her and the fine particles of air she’s exciting - if it was only those!- with this euphoric perfume she’s diffusing. Stop it. Just stop it.

The keyword is “stop”: you stop it. A crush should end, ASAP. A crush shouldn’t settle. A crush is amazingly obsessive.

The keyword is “obsessive”: What’s more addictive and obsessive than reliving the same wondrous experience every time you see her? You want to see her every day, every hour, usually you can’t, so you imagine her, you think about her just trying to grasp a glimpse of these ecstatic feelings hitting you when any thought implies her. Of all of this you make out a great collection of mental pictures and flashbacks that you reconstruct and put in your favorite places, and thus create a perfect crush wonderland. You see her again. Your crush wonderland is more and more wonderful; you just add some more pictures in your silly mind.

The keyword is “picture”: You picture her sweeter than anything you ever tasted. You picture her nicer than anyone you’ve ever met. You picture her smiling at you like she never smiled at any other. You picture her happy with you like she never was with any other. You’re obsessing; you picture her as everything you want her (or any other girl) to be. You’re just stuck with a perfect lovely image of the girl you want to be with: “the one”. You simply picture her as the one.
She might be, stop thinking, stop feeling, take a breath, just go and just say “hi”…

Stupid thoughts about stupid thoughts

2004-10-16T23:14:00.000+02:00

The stupid thoughts. The stupid thoughts in the stupid rarely frequented depths of your brain. But then, as you vaguely recall, you have been visiting these depths in your mind more and more recently; they are no so strange. These are your stupid thoughts about stupid people, your stupid thoughts about stupid acts, your stupid thoughts about stupid circumstances, your stupid thoughts about stupid thoughts, your stupid thoughts about the other’s even stupider thoughts…just you and your stupid thoughts.

The keyword is “you”: of course, the stupid thoughts are yours. You mainly didn’t cause the stupid things that induced the stupid thoughts. Yes, this is the others’ doing. You’re only thinking stupid thoughts. You see stupidity and you think about it. Pretty simple… and stupid. But know this, the ambient stupidity only reflect the inner one, that is the one inside of you, yes you. You see stupidity because you know what it is, you just didn’t witness it so clearly before, you felt it before, which doesn’t render any of your stupid thoughts invalid: at least you know what you’re talking (or thinking) about. You see everything and everyone as stupid. You’ve been stupid before. You know what stupid is. You see it well now. Why now? Why not before? Stupid, stupid, stupid!...

The keyword is indeed “stupid”: everyone is stupid at some point of their lives. It’s just a phase. However, some people tend to overlook all acceptable boundaries of stupidity by just holding on to this happy feeling directly caused by stupidity, trying to relive it, amplify it, expand it, exaggerate it to the point where, in their stupid heads, stupidity is just impossible to conceive.

The keyword is “conceive”: Stupidity, maybe, is about different people conceiving different things differently. But somehow, all stupid people are alike. if observed over a long period of time, their conduct is basically the same. There is a stupid pattern for stupidity, so stupid people basically perceive/conceive things similarly. So, why do you see things so differently and expose this stupidity?
Why don’t you feel stupid (anymore)?
Why do you feel everyone is playing the same stupid game(s)? Why is this game so stupid?
How much stupidity can one possess to be called stupid? How much stupidity can one repress to be called, just as well, stupid? How much stupidity can someone hold?
How come all she ever did was stupid? How come all she does is even stupider?
Why does everything you hoped for turns out, eventually, to be stupid?
Why so see so much stupidity?
Maybe you’re just too stupid to find out…

Love Explained, Simply

2004-10-02T22:14:00.000+02:00

You’re in love. Or are you? Of course, you’re not sure, most aren’t and never will be. Quite intriguing for a feeling supposed to be so strong and overwhelming in every aspect of you…

The keyword is “intriguing”: Love is about intrigue. You don’t know how you both started, how you managed to stay together, how you sometimes just “clicked”, how you sometimes couldn’t stand to look at each other, how it all suddenly ended and how it really didn’t end at all. We are powerless to love. We know nothing. We feel a lot. We do much for nothing, most of the time. We play endless games to keep the intrigue. And when the intrigue is gone, the love is gone, the thrill is gone. That’s the way it is.

The keyword is “is”. What the heck is love? What’s it about? Well, to start, it’s about two people who somehow, someway, at some time found each other. Cute. Yeah, the start is usually very simple. Most simple things, however, tend to become incredibly complex. So you both met. You are together. You’re having lots of fun. You’re having the most interesting conversations you’ve ever had even though they’re probably the same recurrent conversations you had in all your past relationships. You have your occasional misunderstandings on occasional things but all is flowing well. Are you in love yet? Well, it depends… most of us go through relationships not ever thinking about anything, we go with this submerging flow of desires and passion. Don’t get me wrong, it does feel great to just go with this flow but, in this kind of situation, you usually can’t conceive that there’s a big dam blocking this stream of emotions in you; you’re going to get hurt real bad if you don’t (or don’t want to) look ahead.

The keyword is “hurt”: Love hurts. It just does. You hurt when you miss her. You hurt when you can’t be with her. You hurt when she hurts. You hurt when you hate her. you hurt when she hates you. You hurt when you’re both hurting. You hurt when you kiss and she doesn’t kiss back the way she did. You hurt when she’s not what she was. You hurt when she is still what she is and you are still hurting. You hurt when you are slowly breaking apart, you see it, but can’t help it. Love just hurts. Love hurts like nothing else. In fact, a major indicator that you’re in love is the pain
The greater the pain the better your chances are you are (or maybe just were…) in love.
Talk about simple…

The usual

2004-08-05T11:33:00.000+02:00

You wake up. It’s your usual morning. You’re on your usual side of your bed. You brush your teeth as you usually do, you grab a bite, and you sip your usual coffee to face your usual day. You go to your usual job and do your usual work. You return home, through the usual route you usually take back and forth each usual day. You finish your day with your usual activities/hobbies/chores. All the usual has ended. You finally return back to your usual bed.
You cannot sleep. Not so unusual, but weird: you really can’t sleep; Unusual thoughts in the usual patterns of your mind. Some mutiny in your soul? Why? You just can’t sleep. You just want to sleep. Why again?
Let’s see, what could be the unusual problem in such usual times? There is no problem. You only want to sleep.
Is it a lost love finding its way back? An old love haunting you still? A fervid love burning its way through this usualness of yours? A tiring, endlessly tiring love shaking every thing you got used to? Usually, you wouldn’t care but you can’t sleep.
In such an unusual search for peace, a usual problem arises: uncertainty, unusual daunting uncertainty. You hate that. You usually avoid that. Usually, you would be sleeping.
You want a usual love to fit your usual desires for a usual life. Your usual needs will be fulfilled. You will sleep as you usually did. Why do you want that?
Why sleep in such usual grounds, where every thing you see or do has been seen and done as usually as it can be?
Why sleep when the only thing that heats you beats you down? Your heart is beating regularly as it usually did, but burning so unusually deep.
Why sleep when the only thing that heats you uses you?
Why sleep when your only use is to warm who usually is stone cold, no emotions, no care?
Why sleep when your only used to heat the unusual, the somewhat unavailable?
You are not what you usually were. Why sleep? ...

Can anyone count how many "usual"/"unusual" I have used ?

The art of being lonely

2004-07-03T00:42:00.000+02:00

You are listening to your favorite song. You are sipping your favorite drink. You are in your favorite place. You look around, you are alone. You may be surrounded by numerous and various friends. You are alone. There’s no one next to you, no one to just look you in the eyes and confirm “Yes, I am here”. There’s no one you can just gently hold and just think “Yes, we are here” as you take a slow soft deep breath. Yes, I am talking about the “one”…
[Awkward silence]

The keyword is “alone”: you are a lonely soul. You are a lonely soul who hasn’t found another soul so you can both just share your sheer loneliness in both of your lives, as silly humans in this world, in all events. Being with another soul is just about sharing time together, and time is the most precious thing any human can offer: it’s the only thing that’s inherently and generally limited. Finding the “one” is finding that one person you are prepared to spend most of your time, and probably your lifetime, with. This is great, but hard to accomplish. Finding someone with “the one” potential is just as great and just as hard.

The keyword is “potential”: we strive in all relationships to discover any “the one” potential. We really want to find it. Needless to say, that these “the one” potentials are all very relative to everyone. Ideally, in its most simple form, you have some kind of basic set of prerequisites you want someone to have. Most relationships, at their first stages, comply with the following: “ I build my prerequisites list (it must be noted that the contents of this list are directly related to the experiences and outcome of previous relationships). I meet him/her. I don’t know him/her. I want to get to know him/her. I spend considerable time with him/her. I get to know him/her. I check if he/she conforms to my prerequisites list. If it does then he/she is a “the one” material. “
This is a simple and very realistic logic. But, life has a way of twisting any kind of good and sound logic. Call it bad luck, bad choices, bad behaviors, bad grasp of things, bad grip on things... You are alone.
You follow all the rules. You create new ones. You grasp every opportunity. You induce new ones. You go with the flow. You are imaginative. You are alone.
I frankly don’t know how the whole thing works. I frankly am starting to think that I only have taste for the “basically” (c’est-a-dire from day 0) unattainable/impossible. Weird thought, stupid even but sometimes it makes so much sense. This thought needs more reflections as to how and, more importantly, why (just asking myself why renders me scared).
Either ways, I only know when the whole thing doesn’t work. Here’s what I hope to be a comprehensive list of what to do to remain completely lonely, labeled “The Art of Being Lonely”. This is a humorous approach to a sick sad problem… heh, c’est la vie…

The Art of Being Lonely
OR
How not to find the “one” (or anyone)

1. Be an idealistic.
This is very helpful in your quest for utter loneliness. Stick to your silly ideals and philosophical point of views relationship-wise. If he isn’t prince charming because he isn’t charming/shinning/rich/smart or stupid/cute/introverted or open/virile enough, don’t even bother to try something with him. If she isn’t sexy/skinny/hot/smart or stupid/blond or brunette/elegant/curvy enough, she isn’t worth it, next please. Really stick to your hardened ideals, you’ll find him/her, don’t worry, just wait…

2. Be a coward.
Don’t be afraid of throwing everything down the drain (ie. Breaking up) at the slightest problem. If things aren’t working out now, how can they workout later on? Right?

3. Be amazingly introverted, Don’t share any feeling or thought.
You are your own self. No one should be able to “get into” you. you should never “open up”. Stick to the basic, most formal, most casual treatment toward your partner. Success guaranteed.
Notice: This isn’t just directed to guys, usually accused of not being able to correctly express themselves. Girls can indeed express themselves much better, but then again, they should want to…

4. Be a fearful bitch (For Guys and Girls).
Your last relationships ended so badly and caused you great amount of pain and trauma. Any subsequent experience will just make you relive your past moments of pain and suffering. You must wander from partner to another. You must make their lives a living hell. And then, just dump them. This tactic can seem confusing as you are indeed meeting and “bonding with” numerous guys/girls, “I can’t be lonely” you say. But, indeed, even though you are usually with someone, you are lonely, and in the long term, you will still be.

5. Be needy/ego-centric.
You are your own self. You should indulge your self. Your needs are what count. Your desires are to be satisfied immediately and completely. You are the one who does all the talks. You should be the one who makes all the decisions. You are the one “in control”. When you are finally content, you might consider thinking about your partner’s wants. This “advice” when coupled with number 6, “Be incredibly jealous” is extremely effective. However in some very rare and strange cases, 5 and 6 prove to induce considerably long relationships; brain damage to both parties is believed to exist.

6. Be incredibly jealous.
You got him/her. You must own him/her now. He/she must not go anywhere without your prior consent/knowledge. Any person he/she talks to/looks at is considered a potential suspect. You must bring hell on him/her. You must not let anything pass by. Frequent threats to breakup and emotional blackmail are your favorite weapons. You must have that leech very tight. Aw. Aw. Aw.

I hope this says it all…

Worthless, Wasted

2004-06-27T16:37:00.000+02:00

Unforeseen, it suddenly began.
We held on to something that wouldn’t go away.
I held on to something that wouldn’t go the way.
Worthless thing and wasted end,
Worthless trouble, wasted time to mend.
And it’s just like they said,
The way you just did.
And it’s just like they said,
“Slow down, you’re falling down, you're falling dead”
“Slow down, you’re falling apart”
“Get out, you play no part”
Pointless talks, wasted cold sad breaths.
Worthless fire, desired but wasted,
Blinding passion, wasted warmer breaths,
Worthless kisses, wasted sweetest flavors I tasted,
Worthless looks, from the affectionate soul,
Worthless game, worthless roles,
Worthless smells and wasted memories they bring,
Worthless voices of a wasted angel, once with wings,
Never caresses on worthless hands,
Ruined moments, wasted time,
All wasted…
Worthless fire.
Just a liar, a worthless liar.
Expected, it ended.
All wasted…

After it, After all

2004-06-23T03:50:00.000+02:00

After all that’s been said and done, after all the shit, I am smoking the new day’s last cigarette. It’s the last draw. Slowly but surely, I inhale the cigarette’s last breath and swiftly throw it. It’s done. The dawn is breaking with the first colors of the day, red,pink and blue, in some strange reviving blend. The sun is far in the horizon, slowly but surely it comes. I go to sleep...

This follows the "Too good to be true" post.

Too good to be true

2004-06-23T03:03:00.000+02:00

It’s amazing how good you can sometimes be with people, girls to be specific. You do play the good guy part, since this is no play to act in, this is serious and since you really are no actor or just don’t want to be. The girls see games everywhere; everything is a big giant nerve-wrecking time wasting shit inducing play for them.

The keyword is “play”: maybe it’s the “Barbie doll” effect; they are used to playing with people or miniature idealized (but stupid) versions of them or maybe they see people (and guys to be specific) as miniature pets to control and put into multiple kinds of awkward situations: within shit, eating shit, surrounded by shit, stepping continuously in shit etc. the shit element seems mandatory. And fuck the cliché. Everything about them, sooner or later, turns into shit. A day will come when she’s just doesn’t want to see your shitty face anymore, out of the blue, or out of the brownish yellowish beige-ish I-don’t-know-what-ish shits. And yes, I am a good guy. I am doing the right things. I am showing respect. I am showing that I care. I am trying to work things out. I am considering her (their) needs. I must be considerably stupid.

The keyword is “stupid”: good is stupid. Plain and simple but, frankly, very hard to stuff into my crowded little shit gorged brain. Good is shit and shit is not good. I really ought to know by now. I should try being a complete shitty asshole sometimes that is, if I can be. No, I am not stupid. Apparently, I am doing stupid things: things like caring, feeling and related, things good guys typically do. You merely can’t bet your time on a girl. I need a woman, a real woman, not a stupid shitty wanna-be girl who thinks her stupid shitty flings and childish impulses are the next best things to try to me. After a while, in the end that is, it gets really shitty.

The keyword is “shit”, it’s the main keyword, gentlemen. Better let your heat guided missile in your pants command you, at least, that way, your needs are satisfied, you are never derived from your main objective, you are fulfilling your species ultimate goal: impregnating as many females as possible to ensure the species’ survival, you get plenty of exercise, and you’re a complete asshole. That way, the chicks can really ultimately dig you, because you remain unaffected, untainted, untouched by their flapping shits. That way, you are really “too good to be true”…

Note: If you are a girl and are offended by this, sue me, I really know what I’m talking about, if you don’t agree, wtf are you doing here, go here.

Play with me bass…

2004-06-22T15:59:00.000+02:00

You are loaded, bloated, elated, and intoxicated. You sip drink after drink, each one with its own savor. You are no longer here, but you still exist somehow. Each drink awakens a particular sense. Everything feels like you never felt before. You revert to your basic, most impressive instincts: every perfume is a delight, every touch is sheer pleasure, every kiss is pure renewing ravishment. You put on some music, good music, fuckin’ good music. You are no longer here, you surely exist, but you really don’t know that you do.

The keyword is “exist”: you are in your own world. You exist only through the wondrous beats and rhythms captivating your silly but active as ever mind. You think about nothing, and everything. You are nothing and no one. A deep breath, you are here still. You are there still. You know nothing. You feel nothing. Yet, everything makes sense. All that you’ve know, lived through, sought for, cried for and desired lies now clearly in front of you. You face nothing, but see all. You’re at your lowest point, and you really know yourself*.

The keyword is “self”: you are now someone else, someone that isn’t you, but that can’t become who he is without you. Or maybe, this is just plain old you in a radically different perspective. All your hopes, dreams, desires, fears, regrets and sorrows mingled with the toxic elements you just imbibed and the hypnotic beats surrounding you arouse a particular state of being, so pure, so simple, so damn powerful that you can’t merely deny. You are now what you never were, ever is and what you will be, you are who you really are, no extra flavors, no supplements, just raw unsharpened, unshaped. You are no longer forged by social boundaries, tradition or morals. You are free. The music you play reflects in your most inner self. You live the music, feeling its every beat, variation and tune. You breathe by the beats. You breathe through them, for them. You are a slave to this music. You are not free, but happy, intoxicated.

The keyword is “intoxicated”: the music is a spell tampering with the deepest parts of your mind. It’s just the only thing you exquisitely feel. Your alcohol level is sky high. Your mind is fighting this sudden rush of artificial elements. The fight feels good and that’s what it’s all about. Your mind doesn’t respond correctly or correct anything anymore; you discover your true identity. You are lost. You are no longer here. You are no longer holding back any memory or thought. Suddenly, for a brief moment, you awake, to find a friend or a lover. No talk or look is necessary. There is a strong, maybe wasted, connection between “the wasted”. The music is hypnotic. You are numb; comfortably numb (Pink Floyd fans, Hi…).

The keyword is “comfort”: music is my life, well a good part of it. In all that I have been through, music was there. Music is just human experience nicely put into elegant sounds. To make this point clear, Imagine this: you’re making out with a girl, the moon is high, her perfume is all over you, her kisses are all over you too, for a moment, you stop and just listen to the music playing and say: “Damn! This is soooo gooooood”. The “this” is not necessarily just the music, the “this” is the experience as a whole embellished by the music. Whatever the situation, music will bring its own dimension, this will broaden your perspective, and this is always gooooood.

* Quote from the movie “The Salton Sea”.

Nice Guys Finish Last

2004-06-20T11:41:00.000+02:00

My next post was supposed to be about the "Bad Guy" syndrome, that is basicaly nice girls being unbeleivably attracted to stupid bad ass boys or typical assholes. I found this thread on the net, it almost says it all, just wanted to post it, i will post my "version"/"vision" of things later on...

Meanwhile, comments are welcome: email me!

Nice Guys Finish Last by Garrett Hols

It’s amazing that assholes can get girls. Actually, now that I think of it, it’s not that amazing. They are assholes at heart, but to meet girls they lavish their undying love. IT’S A CHARADE. They act nice, friendly, and they listen… until they get into what they’re after. Their prey thinks they are in love with them, however when they realize what assholes their predators really are, they pretend like the asshole is really nice inside. The girl tries to change the asshole into a nice guy, but assholes will always be assholes. She gets upset and goes to the nice guy to complain about the asshole. But she claims to love the asshole… now this is where the theory begins. She doesn’t want to look like she is easy so she wont dump the asshole right away, instead she will stay with the asshole.

Girls are idiots. They don’t realize that the nice guy has been there all along. He never had to pretend to be a good guy to get girls because he is naturally like that. However, girls don’t see it for some reason or another. They look at the nice guy as a friend, a trusted companion to whom they can tell their sad story to about their asshole boyfriend. But the nice guy isn’t THAT naïve. He was trying to score with the girl he listens to all along. The problem is that since he is a nice guy he keeps listening.

Since girls get attached to things that pay attention to them, they think of the nice guy as a friend. A FRIEND. They don’t say, “Oh he’s hot” or “I want to have his children” about the nice guy, they just want the emotional support. When they get the emotional support from the nice guy, they don’t need it from the asshole. The nice guy gets the **** end of the stick while the asshole gets all the action. I am starting to wonder if being a nice guy is really the route to take to get action… I have been down this path for all of my post-pubescent life and it has gotten me NOWHERE… at least not in the women department.

Perhaps another reason why girls fall for the asshole is because assholes ignore the girl they are with. The women wonder, “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” so they explore why. They poke and prod and get closer to the asshole. They start to get easier with each attempt to get closer. The asshole finally says, “I’ve let this beauty dangle long enough, time to boat this bass”. It is then he puts on his charade and the girl feels like she has won him… even thought all she has won is an asshole.

Once you have gone down the path as a nice guy or a “listener” you can’t turn back. The girl will always go after the assholes because there are always nice guys there to listen. Once you realize that you are a “listener” you cant do anything about it… just pack up and close shop. There is no way you will get into her pants… ever. There is and never will be a situation where the nice guy will get the girl he has a crush on. It just doesn’t work like that. The girl wont “come to her senses” and realize what an asshole her boyfriend is like in the movies… instead she will just go after another asshole, and unless you stop being a nice guy, she will never go after you.

Women complain that there are no nice guys in the world. Right. They are obviously not looking hard enough because there are nice guys EVERYWHERE!!!! Girls aren’t looking for nice guys… they say they are but they’re not. They are looking for the perfect asshole, but there is NO SUCH THING as the perfect asshole. All in all, the nice guy gets the shaft. To all the girls out there with boyfriends that don’t treat you with respect, that don’t listen to you, and that don’t care about you I say this; look next to you. The guy that has been standing next to you the whole time is the guy you have been looking for. He is what you want your asshole to be like. He knows more about you than you know about yourself… because he has listened to it all.

Love, Desire and Devotion *

2004-05-05T16:32:00.000+02:00

Love, Desire and Devotion: the three ingredients for the perfect relationship.

The keyword is “Love”. Love is great. Love is amazing. Love is lovely. Love is the acceptance of the other in the deep darkest corners of the soul. “I Love You” is real hard to say, harder when you want to and, in some way, for so many reasons, just can’t. “I Love You”: “I may hate/despise so many things about you (and the number can be considerable…) but, I accept you. Maybe I just don’t see your faults, or I just don’t want to”. Either ways, to finally love someone is a great progress and a huge learning process about yourself, your partner and all that’s in between.

The keyword is “Desire”: Wanting someone with ardent passion, needing someone like the next breath you just have to take, being madly obsessed by every smell, smile, look and touch, so much you tend to over breathe… Desire is sensuality at its purest sense. Desire is a killer, a damn good one too. You are Desire’s slave, happy slave that is. You are its bitch and scratch its every itch. Desire induces passion. Passion induces action. Action induces reaction. Reaction induces satisfaction. All induces Sex, wondrous sex, and sex makes the world (and you) go round…

The keyword is “Devotion”. Devotion is about truth, respect and sacrifices. It appears in the late stages of the relationship (usually before the ultimate break up). You anticipate every other’s need. You shape your entire life to perfectly fit your partner. You re-dream your wildest (most personal) dream to include your partner. You really don’t need any kind of explicit requests from your partner, you just create them, and this is where most people fuck up, by doing too much or simply more than expected. You drink the same water, feast with the same wine, smell the same shit.

Love, Desire and Devotion: You Surrender…*

* Title and Conclusion inspired by “Love Sensuality and Devotion” by Enigma and “Love Devotion and Surrender” by Santana

The girl with the other tune*

2004-05-02T03:32:00.000+02:00

She stares at me. I have seen this face this near before, even nearer. I have known these reminiscing eyes. I have felt the warm breath coming thru her lips. I have smelled that mesmerizing perfume over my sweaty hands, over and over again. I have felt the lovely curves on the bottom of her back. I recall all that she was, all that she could have been, all that she isn’t, all she just couldn’t be, but, for a moment, I am what I so gladly were: happy. She’s sitting next to me, talking to me, trying to “connect” via some sort of casual inopportune conversation. I’m listening. I really don’t care what’s she saying, neither does she.

The keyword is “connection”. A simple basic connection is all I need, the kind that makes a mere look tell the story of her day, the kind that tells you when to kiss, the kind that makes a kiss stop for some air or just drive you both into utter sweet suffocation. Underneath all that is an obscure delicate communication.

The keyword is “communication”. Relationships are about communication. Communication is tricky. Relationships are trickier. Realizing that, how and why they are is the trickiest.

I thought we had that simple connection. Maybe she thought that too. At the start, what we had was pure bliss, “Oh! The sweet melody!”. “Too good to be true”, yes. Everything broke down so suddenly, so abruptly: One day, we just looked at each other and lost each other, no reason, no cause. And then, old excuses turn into lies, sweet feelings into illusion, “she has me” into “she used me”, love into hate and, slowly, hate into disinterest. After a while, in brief lapses of lucidity, you know all that she really was and wasn’t, why she did all that, why she didn’t, why she said all that and all that you, together, ever were. The melody doesn’t rime no more.

Yet, she is gazing at me like she ever so did before, ever so truthfully sweet. Why? I don’t really care. I take her hand. Our breaths halt, as if held by the load of our same memories. We move closer. Maybe we really are closer now…

* Title inspired by “The Girl in the other room” by Diana Krall

Party Attitude

2004-04-16T00:43:00.000+02:00

So, you wanna go party? Have fun? Loosen out? Great. You phone your cute friends, put on your cute clothes, increase your head’s mass/IQ ratio with tons of gel, spray on some designer’s fragrance, wear that cute (and just darn deadly) smile and you are ready, baby!.
The key word is “cute”: “Oh, you are soooo cute!”, “Hey, my friend said you’re cute!, come on, ask her to dance”… all this to finaly (and hopefuly) land on the cutest girl/guy “in da club”.
The key word is “club”: A formal association of people with similar interests. Well, interests are: party, girls/guys, booze and eventualy scoring…
The key word is “score”: it’s all about the sex. Sex is what drives us all to these places, hey, sex may be only thing that drives us. “us” being the hyper-junky-common youth.
The key word is “common”: all party addicts have basicaly the common interests, desires, moods, moves and looks. The most perceptible and intriguing phenomenon is the feminine fashion statement, identical for most of the feminine club attendants: black top, jeans, belly, belt, heels. Under the dim lights and the dark “ambiance” of the clubs, girls are simply undistinguishable. I can’t recognize the girl I met unless she’s in a half meter radius or unless I feel her curves.
The key word is “undistinguishable”: people cultivate this unoriginality, this common grounds, this “party attitude”. This party world is a giant factory producing the same damn “model” over and over again commanded by a disorderly fashion. I seem to be more and more convinced that norms and conventions (mainly social ones) may be the worse thing to follow and to deal it.
The key word is “norms”: A standard or model or pattern regarded as typical. Maybe we all are alike, maybe all we live through and react to is the same, maybe we are all typically similar… I know I’m not, at least I just try not to be…

Just a mere moment

2004-04-02T04:29:00.000+02:00

One day, for a mere moment, I find myself just thinking about myself: my origin; Do I have one?, my destination, my goals; Are am really going somewhere?, the girl I can’t seem to talk to and the girl that’s making my life a living hell, the lovely breeze of the awakening spring and the unbearable pollen allergy, the sweet taste of my first kiss and my last, the growing loud sounds of the day and the comforting redemption of the dark night…
The key word is “melancholia”: Extreme depression characterized by tearful sadness and irrational fears. This says it all.
The key word is “irrational”: Pain is for who seeks order and perfection where there is none for everything is chaos; chaos is in everything; and everything affects everything and does nothing. This is the causality. “Be Reasonable” when there is no reason for reason.
The key word is “causality”: effect and its causes. The effect is always perceptible. Causes are only apparent. Causes give a sense of basic-micro-simplicity in all events. Causes are irrelevant for their analysis come too late, and just on time for just some kind of comfort for the orderly soul…
The key word is “order”: Blessed is who can’t grasp this preponderant sense of order in everything. He saves himself much disappointments and time just to try to “make some sense to it all”.
The key word is “sense”: I am sensing the nonsense. I can try and analyze my past, but not my present and the future will always escape me.
The key word is “escape”: go!, run away from it all… you only have a moment…

The bullshit all around

2004-03-28T10:39:00.000+02:00

Everything feels weird, yet unchanged: the same routine, the same people, the same experiences, the same feelings… Still, I can’t escape the uncertainty of all this, recurring in my thoughts every time I try to “get away from it all”. Seems “cliché”, so maybe I’m not the only one who feels this way and this can’t make it anymore bearable. The key word is “feel”: I am feeling. I am feeling this bullshit, this bullshit all around. Was it there before? Probably, but maybe I didn’t care. The key word is “maybe”: all is maybe, maybe rules all, your hopes, your dreams, your love, your pain, your screams, your life… but maybe can’t rule itself. That’s the beauty of it, that’s the bullshit of it. The key word is “beauty”: the beauty within, life is beautiful, you only have to know how to look to know, or maybe it’s all just bullshit. “Oh! You are so pessimistic! Wake and smell the roses!” The key word is “pessimistic”: yeah I am, but, in the end, who cares? Yes, there will be an end, an end to all this bullshit, you just have to wait and see. The key word is “see”: I can’t see who I am anymore. How can I see what’s all around? Yet, I feel it. Yet, I live it. yes, I do know it and maybe fail to represent it.
This is the bullshit all around, or maybe just, all the bullshit within. My experiences are unique, because they are mine, to keep, to hold, to cope with, and to confine to when there is nothing but so much bullshit. The key word is “bullshit”…